attractivegeekery: (Default)
[personal profile] attractivegeekery
The world is a dire place, and because of that I'm going to share something utterly ridiculous.
This past winter I bought my mother several bird feeders for Christmas. They're the sort that you stick on your windows with large clear suction cups. The idea is that then you can watch the birds as they feed, only I didn't take into account how the windows of my mother's place are constructed. They're all side-by-side sliders, and so this kind of feeder just doesn't work, so I ended up taking them home with me.

Through a series of unfortunate events involving not reading the instructions and gravity, two of the three feeders have broken. The sole remaining feeder sits on my bedroom window, the one that faces back into the postage stamp-sized back yard of my building.

I fill the feeder as part of my morning routine.
First I use the rest room.
Then I feed the cat.
I return to my room and open the blinds.
I make my bed...and then I clamber up on top of my bookshelf and fill the bird feeder.

Shortly after that the feeder is awash in wee feathered beasties of all sizes, colors, and levels of intelligence.

The sparrows attack en mass, and they're vicious. On more than one occasion I've seen a solitary female hold the entire feeder by sitting in it and fighting everyone else off. I don't know if she actually gets time to eat while she's in there, but it's impressive none the less.

There's the family of blue jays, and boy are they loud and boisterous as fuck. One of them, I can only assume the male, has taken to pecking at the bottom of the feeder...hard. So hard that it sounds like someone knocking at my front door.

There's the cardinal pair, the female of which is my favorite. I love her pink Mohawk and matching beak. Also she peeps. Like...it almost sounds like she's saying the word peep.

There's a blackbird who hasn't quite figured out that he's too big to ride this particular ride.

And also the mourning dove who needs to take several skittering passes before they can figure out how best to land so that the top of the feeder isn't acting as a sneeze guard.

Both the dove and the blackbird will often skitter across the top of the feeder trying to find purchase on the smooth pvc top. It's like watching someone on ice skates for the first time, and I know I shouldn't laugh but...come the fuck on, birbs. You're dinosaurs! Show some dignity!

Anyway, this post wasn't supposed to be about the ridiculousness of the birds in my backyard, or the fact that I now have opinions regarding the birds in my back yard,...a thing I fully admit is ridiculous.
No, this is about the conversation I had with my mother several weeks ago.

My mom loves to shop at this place in my home town. It's one of those Dirt Cheap Because Everything Is Made In Taiwan sorts of places. It's her go-to suggestion when ever anyone needs...pretty much anything.
Mattress?
Kitchenware?
Area rug?

Well this time I thought I'd flip the script a bit, and instead of her offering to get me something I don't really need, I'd ask for something that could be helpful.
So I asked her to pick me up the biggest bag of birdseed the place had, and I'd pay her back. I figured it's a win-win-win! She loves to shop there, I could use some discount birdfood, and the birds in my yard will be stoked to eat.

Well...yesterday mom called me. She wants to know when is good for her to drive into town this week to drop off the bird seed and maybe an umbrella for the outdoor table I found in the cellar. Oh and what color do I want the umbrella to be? And not to worry, because she's also picked me up a bin for the forty pounds of bird seed she purchased.

Excuse me? Fourteen pounds of what now?
Oh no, not 14 fourteen, 40 forty.
My mother bought me 40 pounds of birdseed, and a container to hold it all. Because...I did ask her for the biggest bag they had.

Because for some reason 40 lb bags were not within my scope of measure, because why would they be?
So, that's my ridiculous story.

I've become a crazy bird watching lady, who will soon be in posession of 40 lbs of birdseed.

Date: 2016-06-15 06:19 pm (UTC)
nny: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nny
All of this makes me smile <3

Date: 2016-06-17 04:07 am (UTC)
vivien: (hee hee hee)
From: [personal profile] vivien
That is an impressive amount of birdseed. Your birbs will be so pleased.

(You should take pictures of these visitors!)

Date: 2016-06-21 07:41 pm (UTC)
dramawench: (Default)
From: [personal profile] dramawench
Oh man, that made me laugh out loud. I needed that today BADLY. <3

This reminds me of a John Mulaney bit:
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/xtm8z1/stand-up-john-mulaney--john-mulaney---old-queen

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